Criminal Law Update

Gerald Shargel, my favorite criminal defense lawyer (and my fictional Valentine this year) got a client a great deal today. The man accused of extorting David Letterman, the not so funny comedian who hired a recent Carbozo graduate as "his private lawyer" (knee pads required), pleaded guilty today.

While I would have preferred to watch Shargel duke it out in court (he could sell tickets, he's that good) he got his client a great deal. Robert Halderman, the alleged extortionist, is expected to serve only six months. He had been facing up to 15 years.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/03/09/2010-03-09_david_letterman_blackmailer_robert_halderman_will_plead_guilty_take_sixmonth_jai.html


A few days ago I posted about a Minnesota lawyer accused of raping his client. He got off, twice. A jury acquitted him today.
http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/lawyer_acquitted_of_charge_he_raped_would-be_client_defense_argued_consent

Phone Interview Rejection a Pain in the Butt

Good news. I finally had an interview yesterday (phone). Bad news. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. A buddy of mine talked a friend of his (who is CEO of a company and a former lawyer) to talk to me about switching out of law into his business.

He started by asking my age (he must not have taken employment law). I wanted to answer, younger than you. Since I figured he could find out anyway, I told him. He told me that he didn't hire people who were starting out in his business over 25.

I did my best to ignore his comment, but it was frustrating to say the least. He did agree to pass my resume on to his HR department, but I haven't heard from them. I was really depressed about it until I read the article below and I realized my life could be worse; I could have gotten butt implants.

Yep, that's how I'm cheering myself up today. I found this article about a bunch of women in New Jersey who got injections to enhance their asses. Can you imagine having nothing better to do with your money than inject shit in your ass? Why didn't they just go to McDonalds and eat a bunch of fries? Trust me; it works.

They didn't have the sense to check the doctor out, and the "doctor" put a diluted version of silicone in their butts that is used for caulking bathtubs. So now they have bathtub caulk in their asses. Ladies, in the future, call me first. I'd be happy to suck some of the fat out of my butt and sell it to you.

Read about butt implants here:
http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7018038034?6%20New%20Jersey%20Women%20Hospitalized%20After%20Botched%20Butt-Implant%20Injections

Sallie Mae Flying High In Private Jets

Is there no end to the corruption and greed in the student loan industry? Richard Eskow wrote a great article for the Huffington Post detailing Sallie Mae's greed and political contributions and political conflicts. He is responding to an op-ed written by Republican Lamar Alexander, who is trying to make Obama's loan reform look like socialism in an effort to let Sallie hold on to their two private jets.

Yep, that's right. Sallie has two planes! The author also notes that Sallie contributed $250,000 to George Bush's inauguration. Seems Sallie tried her hand trading derivatives and lost her ass, so has gone back to scratching politicians backs to keep those jets flying. Frankly, I wouldn't mind if my loan money helped to fund those jets if I could see them crash and burn while full of Sallie executives.

Jets. Campaign contributions. A quarter of a million dollars for the Bush inauguration. And think of it: All of that came from money intended for student loans. Read the rest here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rj-eskow/sallie-maes-jets-bank-shi_b_490521.html

JDs and MBAs Suffer Together In Job Search

This won't come as news to anyone who is unemployed, but this confirms that the job market for those of us with advanced degrees sucks. JDs can take small comfort in knowing that MBAs are suffering almost as much as we are.

James Leipold, executive director of the National Association for Law Placement, had two words to describe the market for law school grads: "It tanked," he said. "The pipeline is clogged up."
http://www.sacbee.com/2010/03/08/2590039/job-offers-dwindle-for-mba-and.html

Access Tried To Compound Student Woes

This came out back in May 2008, but I am putting it up because it goes to show what we can accomplish if we stand up to these greedy scumbag bankers.

Jill Savedoff, a law student at American University Washington College of Law, sued Access for violating its loan agreement for charging her additional interest of $650 that accrued during the first two years of her loan. Access didn’t bother to notify her that her interest rate had gone up and didn’t raise her monthly payments to reflect the new interest rate. Instead, they simply added the amount to her principal and then charged her interest on the whole thing.

In May 2008, the 6th Circuit affirmed a district court decision that found Access liable for charging borrowers additional interest and then adding the interest to the principal. The class action included around 7000 students from law and medical schools who had loans in 1993-2006 from Access.

The case was sent back to the US District Court in Ohio to determine if Access Group acted in bad faith. You think? Access settled, and because of this brave law student, Access had to undo over $400,000 in compound interest charges and:

The District Court entered judgment determining that Access Group’s compounding of Additional Interest breached the Class Members’ loan agreements and enjoined Access Group from compounding Additional Interest again in the future.

Way to stick it to them Jill! Well done.

Read the case: 524 F.3d 754

Link to Settlement:  http://www.wka-law.com/pdfs/Long%20Form%20Notice%20FINAL.pdf

Drug Crazed Lawyer Attacks Client

A Minneapolis lawyer is on trial for raping a client, and not with his fees. This lawyer actually raped the client in his office, telling her that no one could hear her scream as he snorted coke.

The lascivious lawyer first tried to woo her with this classic line, “Girl, you fine as hell.” Smooth talker! Foreplay consisted of him grabbing her breast and saying, "Relax, girl, I’m the man. I’m plugged.” Well, what woman wouldn’t be in the mood after hearing that?

When she finally escaped, telling him a friend was waiting for her downstairs, he hid under his desk with his pants around his ankles. His defense? The victim stopped for cigarettes on the way to the hospital. Guess he figures if she wanted to smoke, she must have enjoyed it.

Details:
http://www.startribune.com/local/86256867.html?elr=KArksUUUoDEy3LGDiO7aiU

The Numbers Don't Lie: Offer Rate Lowest in 17 Years

Everyone has been complaining about the job market, and the National Association for Law Placement has finally confirmed our worst fears. The offer rate for 2010 summer associate positions is the lowest they have reported in 17 years. Of course, acceptance rates have hit a new high. But wait, there's more fun:

"This represents an enormous interruption in the usual recruiting and employment patterns that we have come to expect," said NALP Executive Director Jim Leipold. "I don't think anyone expects recruiting volumes to pick up significantly during 2010, though the worst does seem, we hope, to be behind us." http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1202445366576

Not Child's Play

If only the plane had crashed, some unemployed TTT grads could have gotten some temp work. An irresponsible parent brought his kid to work and let him clear the planes for takeoff. I'm sure the parent found it "cute" and that he was doing no harm. What if the kid had screwed up? Is it still cute?

How about the parents in Brooklyn who insist on bringing their toddlers to bars? That's right. Bars, the place you go to forget about the world and relax and maybe to get lucky.  One bar, the Windsor Terrace, had the balls to ban babies in the bar. I couldn't agree more, if I see puke in a bar, I'd like it to be mine, not some baby spitting up milk.

While kids annoying other customers in a bar simply ruins an evening, bringing them to work is something else. I saw them often at my law school, when the overpaid professors thought it would be fun to let the mini-lemmings run around the library, usually during exam period, completely unaware that someone paying over 40k a year in tuition has no desire to hear, "Mommy, look, everyone's reading!"

Simple solution: just leave them at home.

Kid at air tower:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/03/03/air.traffic.child/index.html
Kids in bars:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/babies_bounced_after_at_windsor_NV2B1Yw7GlvFXy1wdY6rVO

Harvard Law Graduates Get a Taste Of TTT Life

Harvard graduates are getting a taste of toilet water. Many Harvard Law grads did not get offers this year. This was in The Harvard Law Record, Harvard Law School's paper:

So we studied, and we subcited, and we networked, and we keycited, and we summer associated. And employers looked at our grades, and our journals, and our work product, and our work ethic, and said, “We don’t want you.” We came from Harvard, and they were nonetheless unimpressed. Something about us was so unappealing that it outweighed the appeal of having another Harvard graduate at the firm.

Welcome to our TTT world. Let's all flush once in sympathy.
http://www.hlrecord.org/opinion/unemployed-law-student-will-work-for-160k-plus-benefits-1.1179172

Southern Judge Disbarred For Paddling Inmates

Seems the stereotypes in the movie Cousin Vinny weren't too far off. An Alabama judge was disbarred today for paddling inmates and talking to inmates without their lawyers present. While I understand why the judge wouldn't want an audience for his S&M sessions, he really should have known not to talk to the inmates without their attorneys present.

Jurors acquitted Thomas last October on some charges related to the spankings, and a judge threw out other charges after the jury could not reach a consensus. The charges included sodomy, sex abuse and assault. Prosecutors had claimed Thomas paddled defendants in exchange for leniency. Thomas’ attorney had argued he shouldn’t be convicted on the word of 11 convicted felons
http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/judge_accused_of_paddling_inmates_is_disbarred